复杂！

这几天都不得空写blog，因为每天都有练球，很累。前几天都在烦，因为我被压在penampang和marudu队选人之间，事情很复杂！我没被选进marudu，我就和公公说我要进penampang因为她说有两个空位，所以我决定去打penampang了。可是，害怕去打penampang我会给kk篮总ban，所以迟迟没和bao xin教练说。

最后我问了，他说没问题的如果我过去打那一队，所以我也确定了。星期五，公共假期，marudu有练球，我本来不想去，因为我都没份了，但之后bao xin教练打电话给我，问我去不去。本来说不去，想了一下我决定去了。我很矛盾的一直想。。。

去到后，bao xin教练说我入选marudu了，我吓到，没问那么多就说可以了。又在担心penampang哪方面要怎么办，因为我之前交了名字和ic,在害怕了。怕有进入复杂的情况。

打电话给公公，跟她说我不能打因为给入选了，和她说话时，听起来她很生气，可是我不知怎么办。她收线了，我有sms她和她道歉，因为我感觉我不但麻烦到公公和教练，也感觉到我连累了penampang。很复杂，到现在都还没确定penampang那儿怎么办，因为没人通知我任何事情，我也不敢和公公sms了。

我想去古达那天，若有遇见公公我要亲自去和她道歉比较好。但那时我一定是很需要大量的勇气因为我不太认识她，所以有点害怕。

无论如何，marudu队和kk队下个星期要加油！期待着那天的到来，毕竟是第一次吗。

我看我这几个星期都无法上网写blog，可我会尽量更新的。

希望着~

这几天不是penampang练球，就突然变marudu的练球。原本没去练，教练突然叫我们小的去练初选kk队的练球。开始看见超多大的球员在哪儿，我和美华她们都不敢进去呢，太恐怖的感觉了！最后勇敢进去，每个球员眼睛瞪着我们，那感觉很奇怪。

进到去就练球了，跑3圈，第一次那么少。过后就连基本得咯。练完球和小廖她们去喝茶。过后去damai找ah meow她们。真爽呢，第一次能和那么多大的球员练球和玩乐！可是花的钱很多，吃喝玩乐真的花费很大！

因为我们要代表marudu队，而且大家都不想参与penampang队，所以一起推出penampang，不知道有没有成功。第二天我的脚超酸的，上楼梯最惨的。

今天有练球，背着重重的书包去礼堂，在crystal家休息后，差点看下一站幸福看到忘了时间。也是一样，做基本，还好。最不好就是只有1个小时的练球，不太习惯。哪个教练说的每一句话我完全听不到，因为很小声，加上他是讲国语，我晕了。

练完球，我，雯雯和爱雯一起回家。妈妈很慢，去一趟queenie家拿眼镜和陪爱雯走去商店买东西和。又是我请，没钱了！！我可以说我彻底破产了。

明天和新加波的人打友谊赛的篮球，很紧张呢。现在最大问题是我上华语课是怎么出，有memo我也不敢说呢。怎么办！？？！

从春春得知和该学习的一些态度

我的心很重！

我今天不想说我做过什么，只想表达我的心情。

我这几天，不知是多心，还是她真的变了，或许没变,只是我想太多。我不知啦！总之这感觉很难受，很沉重！

我有这个感觉是因为她开始跟她们多过跟我们了，慢慢地我和她很难相处。我知道，这些是不能强逼的，可是我们开始是很好的，现在真的不同了。我找她，便好像被忽略了的感觉。在哪儿好像傻婆那样没事做。想找题目和她聊，却难过找金。我。。不知该怎么做了。

我有试过在你和她们之间的谈论打岔，希望能参与其话题里，可是我怎么也适应不到因为我觉得她们对我有所避免。我知道，你一定会说我很多心，想太多，举一动我都转动我头脑去想。

有时我在想，是我为人的性格问题，还是态度方面导致你们那么讨厌我？我有时很暴躁，很粗鲁。真的原因，是因为我想用这些方式来保护自己，我不要软弱，让别人容易地伤害我。大家因该知道人总是有脆弱的一面，我不要任何人离开我，我受不了的。我一直以为这样的态度能保护我的朋友，让她们陪在我身边。那儿知道是相反的，从初中一开始，我越想和她一起做朋友，却欲速则不达。她离我越远呢，今年我彻底放弃，她却慢慢对我热了一些。

若你看到了，你可以在我前面假装你没看过吗？我不想因为我这些想法去影响我们之间的友情。但我希望你没猜到那个人是你。

我希望这段友情能和以前一样地快乐，你和她们一起，我不反对，我也没权利反对。只想要求你在我无法看见的情况下快乐吧，能让我更好过。

我在这方面很自私，我承认。可我没办法了，对不起！请原谅我！

悲哀还是开心？

A saturday! And i am needed to go school for PNK! Gosh! This school need a better pengetua,everyday PNK! Dont he knows too much pressure makes ppl suffer? Idiotic botak singg~

Didnt sleep well,alergic to the air-cond again.. Keep sneezing lar.. Whole night suffer.. Morning need wear contact lense,my eyes is tired,red and itchy. So many stuff to bring to school,like shoes which is big..=.= 3 shirts and books!

In school,no mood whole day in class.. Cuz my eyes.. Today KH learn kredit and debit,i almost faint but i manage to overcome it.. phew.. Wait and waited for time pass.. During MM class,current stop and its raining heavily.. My sweats keep dripping down my forehead to the MM Ex books.. For once i understand maths and keep asking solution from teacher..

Finish clas,change my shirts for training. Ran staircase,did pumping and others for warm up.. Than coach start teaching us basic again.. Gosh my left hand sux.. Cant make it right and so is my legs! Wasnt really tired but i still think i sux badly..

Training finish,coach request meeting me and mei hua. Thought i got punish,but instead she is asking me favours. Taking 7balls home~ OMG! I can sell bkb balls now.. Haha! Than she told us about the selection for penampang.. Since i mentioned about it.. Well,as i predicted,we kk players didnt got selected. All are from keningau and sandakan. Dont know why i am not really sad abut it,mayb its bcuz i hear a sentence from coach.. She said if there are teams needing players she would recommend us.. But i do know the chances are very low!

Anyway,i am happy to know coach somehow trust me.. I do realize i am getting 'high' during training cuz i know talks a lot and somehow offended coach.. xD

Drag the 7balls home,darn heavy.. Haiz.. I sms grandpa about the news,i know she cares about it.. But dont know why she just acts like its none of her buiseness.. Mayb its a way for her to make me more relax.. Thx anyway grandpa,i know u cares about me although its not as deep as ur feeling to her~

Awaiting the camp~ patients!

因该是好天吧？

今天早上很累，昨晚睡不好。没心情要睡觉。公公叫我快点儿睡，我就尽量睡下，不久就入眠了。

早上去到学校，开始赶功课，真“乖”呢，每次临时抱佛脚！赶完数学功课，就自由了。上KH，老师派考卷。派前又说我们C2是她教书那么多年最差的一班，真烦的，每一年所有老师都说过同一句话，我们都习惯了。所谓“人比人，比死人”！比来比去，你不腻，我们都听到闷了。

讨论考卷，老师慢慢地说和解释每一题的答案，急死我了！因为老实说我们这班有一半以上的人不及格呢。太担心了！改完，我发现我及格但差1题就拿C呢！气爆我了，因为我已经连养了几只狗，又养多一只？可是没办法了。失望 T.T

下课，我去问老师星期六我们多少点练球，怎么知道1p.m才练！而且当天有PNK呢，累惨了！老师又和我说，Cikgu Hiew 没再带篮球组了，变成 MOLLY DAUNI！！下午班这次可真惨了。

上国语，我有怕我火爆，可是出乎我的预料，老师今天很好笑。我们全班都笑的合不拢嘴！老师今天又事情，所以只上一节就走人了。我们又自由两节课，习惯就好。我趁机会去和Christy她们谈天，也去看Freda有没有来。可是她又没来呢，真的怕了吗？

今天有PNK，而且是上科学。惨的就是我们要连续上2小时半的科学！老师本身就是个闷子，现在要对着她那么就，我发霉了。=.= 以为派考卷，但她又还没改完！超慢的。下大雨，放学时我要淋雨了，加上包车很慢来！

我回到家都5下午了，又开始赶Sejarah Project，还差一点点。做到7晚上，吃饭后我去我爸爸的公司复印。搞了整个晚上，9点才回到家。累垮了。至少我完成了所有的project，今年之内应该都没有其它project要做了。。明天又上课，想到都没力呢。

火到爆！

今天的运气超级衰的。。

早上数学派考卷，幸运的我考的比我想象中好，可是又要求高点儿~真是的，好像身在福中不知福是吗？哈哈！

一切都蛮顺利的，一到下课后，倒霉开始来临了。上国语，老师派考卷，第一张我很满意。派到第二张，我快崩溃了。看到第二张总分才55，不可能！我看到bahagian C 老师只给我18分之40呢！我当时立刻火爆！看了又看！怎么也不觉得我作文值那么少分！他在讨论第一张时我忍，他还慢慢讨论，我再忍！讨论第二张，没讨论到后面那部分，我忍无可忍，和Seymond走到老师前面问！他解释，但用的理由根本不是理由！我要理论，又没胆！我手握着拳头了，好才Seymond劝我，我才没出手打人。老师一踏出门口，我因怒成哭，打了桌子几下，就哭了。我的弱点是每次会因太过不甘，或太生气，忍无可忍之下哭。真的是！我明天要和他争论多一次！

上历史课，又派考卷了。改到一半，看到Emily是，我假假地说我上厕所，但其实越好要去和Freda讲诉！虽知道她没来，应该是SUK啦！好才Christy还没有事，如果因为你，她被gantung，她脸都给我攀烂了。没来，就会班咯。历史考到好差！没想象中好！真的不知干嘛的，今天一直拿狗的成绩！

英文课~好才老师没派考卷，因为我今天运气那么差，英文一定拿不到A的。。可是那老师迟放我们，害到我漏车，要等第二轮~又热又饿！死老师！车又慢来呢！

回到家，3点了！我还没开始做Sejarah project呢，星期五一定要交了！开电脑，看下FB，就开始做。好才这次网上很多资料，要不然做几个月都做不完。

打字打到6.40晚上都还没打完。没办法了，等下还补习，把打好了的拿去公司复印，然后去补习了。累到半条人命，上了1个小时的课，停电了~很开心，早回来blogging~

累到要死，怎样都要写完！刚写完了·~xD

去睡觉~晚安~~

Days In Suffer While Happy

Haiz.. Dont know am i in a happy life or a sad life.. Things are getting so sudden.. Sad and complicated feelings can be happy and relaxing in a moment we never know..

I was sick as i said so,but every food that will cause me more sick attracts me one by one.. I ate steamboat last Saturday,than i bought a famous-A-mouse cookie the next morning.In the afternoon i eat Kenny Roger in 1B.Wont sick also cant lar right?

Went shopping yesterday in 1B.. It was fun though,i bought a lot of things~ Like 2shirts,hand accesories and disc.. It was suppose to be mother's day but i din buy anything for her.. xP Well she did buy herself something but o hav no idea wat it was..

Today,the last day of exam.Chinese and PSK.. PSK was easy,could score A easily on it,slept for around 30min during the test.. It was so boring! Chinese,it was quite east this time.. I am quite confident i can pass this exam.. But i am still very worried about science,it was like 80% fail.. Oh well.. I will know the results tomorrow anyway.. Dead or a live will be on tomorrow..

Emily told me the kbox organize this saturday was cancel.. Maybe it was a good thing,but to some of us it was sad and disappointed.. We can avoid any embarasement but it was a very hard chance to have any activities with the big(bigger bkb players than us).. I for sure know christy will be sad,but in my deep heart,i know i was too very sad and disappointed.. I know things wont be so lucky.. Everytime we planned,is for sure ruined if we hope too much for it.. If it was me during form 1.i was confirm crying already.. Maybe things happened to frequently to me,so i am used to it already.. Cant change anything about it..

Back home at around 1.30p.m today.. Damn unlucky lar.. No current.. Went to sleep while waiting the current back on.. I wait and waited,around 4.30p.m than can on my comp.. Pissed lar! Wasted 3hours doing nothing,instead sleeping like a pig in my bed.. 1st thing i did was on Maple Prviate Server my cousin suggested me to play.. So attract with it again.. Play non-stop lar.. He shouldnt have tell me anything about it,cant concentrate studying after this..

Still haven eat till now.. I did not had my lunch,so my stomach keep grumbling~ After blogging i am going to continue my game again~ Hahaha.. xD

My Life Today

Well,thought it would be a good day today since after today's exam,it would be quite relaxing accept next monday we will hav our chinese exam. Never thought that science exam today will kill every Form 3 students in SMK Lok Yuk.. Its bad luck enough that we have to study from form 1-3,cant belive they prepared exam that really include every single question that i didnt read! During paper 1 for science,the bloody LBH was the examiner for our class. Damn she is old and a nagger! She walks around with her sharp but old blurly eyes,making me unbale to get any answers!(Yes,i cheat during exam)

Fine,i done it all by myself,than paper 2! the stupid teacher sat so damn near me,i cant even turn my eyes to anywher cuz she keep looking at me! There goes my paper 2,failed.. Happy those stupid teachers!While doing science i stared blankly at in for few minutes and my head starting its pain again.. Cant belive my life suck so bad.. PJK exam,roughly do it and went to sleep due to the pain in my head! Till i went back home i still cant resisit the pain as if its like banging my head with a hammer!

Opened my comp,still pain but i dont care!! As usual,check my FB,see other ppl's profile too.. I started dling maple again cuz the new version coming out is so attractive.. Din eat any lunch cuz no mood at all,than i realize my throat starts getting hot and hotter.. Soathroat next day for sure.. Haiz.. My life juz keep get worst..

Went to emily's blog~ Cant believe she din tell me about going to Penang during u16 bkb competition.. Shocked but i still need a confirmation from her though.. Than i went to GP's blog.Saw the video she made to emily,i was so darn touch! She love her too much ler.. But in honest word i sometimes really dont know wat GP thinking.. Anyway,hope can meet dao GP in June 4th training for u18..

Damn!! Juz got news.. My father's company organized a trip to Pulau Tiga on the 5th of June!! I want to go training!! I insisted to my mum,than she say if i go training,forever i cant play basketball.. But its a very hard chance to play for penampang! Should i go ornot?!?! Why things must be so complicated! I juz want a simple life for myself!!

1st day writting blog.. Still new but i'll try to improve and write as often as i can.. =）